Married…Now What?
Now that you’ve had your wedding day or tied the knot at the courthouse, you are married and wondering what’s next? Society as much as we try to refrain ourselves let’s face it, it is kind of standard to ask a just married couple, at least one cliche question regarding married life. While the baby related questions are expected, there are plenty more that will put the bride and groom in the hot seat. But no worries, we have got you covered. Be prepared for these all too common questions newlyweds; you might enjoy answering a few of them. I surveyed over 40 married individuals to view how many do indeed get asked these questions and inquired about their opinions on why most ask these questions. Over 70% answered YES to being asked each question below.
Many brides felt that others asked these questions because it is simply out of curiosity, societal norms/expectations, some are nosey, others are considering marriage and lastly the sense of being involved.
As you were in a relationship, then engaged and now married many people feel involved in your relationship more than you think due to the fact they feel as if they have watched you evolve and feel apart of your journey. Personally, I do not have any issues with those inquiring but in reality, you may not know what a couple is going through. Especially when it comes to the topic of children it can be a very sensitive subject and personal. It is important to always be mindful when asking a “clique” question. But in other news let’s jump right into it!
1. Do you feel different now as a wife or husband?
If there is that one default post-wedding question that is asked, it is definitely this one and it’s okay you know you are guilty of using it too! Generally, people aren’t sure what to ask and they do not want to bring up kids or they are generally curious that some grand transformation occurs once you become a Mr./Mrs. This answer will vary for all married couples because no relationship is the same.
2. How’s married life?
How are you enjoying married life? This question is similar to the engaged life except now we have a different title. Oh, and it’s a lot less stressful since these things aren’t flowers, guest list, and photographer budget to fight over. It literally goes from “how’s engaged life” to “how’s married life.” Often times, the couple is adjusting to living together, settling in and getting used to making decisions together.
3. When are you having kids?
Often phrased like “have you talked about kids yet?” Which is the polite way of saying when are you popping out some babies? This can be a sensitive question because you have no way of knowing if the couple has been trying or having difficulty bearing children. I truly feel family and friends should refrain from asking because it is obvious when the time comes you would be the first to know. I know sometimes it is hard to resist because they are more excited than you are. To all the brides that continue to get asked when you plan on having a child, start a babysitting list of the days/times they are available because at the end of the day it will just be the two of you taking of the child while everyone wants you to start conceiving.
4. When are you going on your honeymoon?
If you’re not on a plane the next day sipping on a drink on Facebook, people will assume you’ve postponed the honeymoon. There is no rule as to when to go on your honeymoon however, majority enjoy their honeymoon soon after their nuptials. Also, the location of the honeymoon seems to matter to the general population. You’ve splurged all these funds on your wedding day, but when it comes to splurging on the two of you it doesn’t happen. This question will be asked especially if your honeymoon was at a location very few travel to, they may want more information to assist when planning their trip.
5. Have you gotten your wedding photos back yet?
Another top question following your wedding day because friends want to stalk them, more importantly, browse through to see if there are any great shots of them. This was huge for me because I have participated and attended many weddings when I have never seen a single picture following the wedding day so this was imperative that I emailed every guest from our wedding a hard/digital copy of photos and highlights from our wedding. Many times the guest may have a new default picture awaiting in the bunch of the candids in the photographer’s pictures. Don’t be stingy, share them!
6. Are you going to change your name?
Some change their name on social media the next day literally prior to legally changing it due to the time and effort. The bride has her work cut out for her when it comes to changing her name while the groom has nothing to do. Technically no one will know if your name has been legally changed unless you choose to broadcast it on your social media. Depending on your partner it may not truly matter. Whether the bride changes her name or not, the couple is still legally married.
7. How much did you spend on your wedding?
This question is usually asked amongst engaged brides to brides because they’re curious. Once engaged you are enlightened by all the costs and you’ll want to know how much others spend around you for certain things. It is rare for someone else to question but I don’t think it a big deal unless you’re embarrassed by the cost you splurged on your one day. By that time it is over and done with so the cost is already spent.
8. Have you purchased a home yet?
This is huggggee! Because once you’ve said I DO everyone thinks you should purchase a home the day after. Like the wedding bill wasn’t enough. This takes time especially if the couple needs to evaluate where they would like to settle exactly. A home is definitely a lifetime investment and a decision that should be made after careful analysis.
9. The honeymoon phase is not going to last. Enjoy it while you can.
This statement is one I am not a fan of. Every relationship is different and you should not rub off your negative energy off to others. If one thing did not work for you does not mean it will not for the next. The honeymoon phase can last forever if you choose it to. This is what makes every relationship different and unique. It is important to marry someone that as much as you love them that you like them. You’ll enjoy their company as a friend and won’t feel bothered by their company.
10. MY LAST STATEMENT: Do whats best for you and nobody else.
Stop caring about what society and others will say because at the end of the day it will be you, your spouse and the man upstairs, God. People will talk but guess what it is temporary. It is just like gossip in social media, you’ll hear about it today and then next week it’s dead. Evaluate your goals and finances do not go over budget because it will be just the two of you working to pay off the debt and no one else will assist. A wedding day is just one day but your marriage is a lifetime. Don’t allow one day of a 5 to 7-hour celebration ruin your plans for the future. We are so accustomed to pleasing others that we rather get the two jobs and struggle to have a beautiful wedding day while behind closed doors you are both struggling through the first year of marriage. Married, now what? DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!
A few words of wisdom from our married couples below:
‘Two heads is better than one.’
“Honesty!”
“Don’t listen to anyone except for the person you said vows with and made a covenant.”
“Enjoy being married!!”
“Don’t feel obligated to invite everyone! Keep the wedding party small or with folks you’ll want to keep around years from now.”
“Marriage takes work, so don’t complicate it.”
“Every marriage is different. Figure out what works for you and your mate.”
“Don’t do it because everyone around you is doing it. Marriage is a lot of sacrifice and work. Well worth it if you are certain your spouse will stick with you through the good and the bad.”
“Marry your best friend. And don’t try to pretend to be something your not in order to “secure” the ring.”
“You must be willing to know what is right for you and your spouse, not for society. And have fun!”
“One of the best things I’ve learned is to “Wife how YOU wife,” and vice versa. Your marriage will never look exactly like someone else’s and it shouldn’t. Also don’t stop evolving. Continue to grow as a person for yourself, your spouse and for your family.”
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